Rp- Add on thread to Bella's release

[musical_rocker]

Albert wasn't aware of much because he had Bella in his arms and she was still babbling away about this and that, mindless stuff which all seemed so important. He couldn't believe how much she'd grown in this short space of time and she say so much more now. A minute or two later she was wiggling in her arms to get down and Albert carefully lowered her to the ground, and holding Moo in one hand, Bella took hold of Albert's with her other and started to tug him towards Mac.

"Move," she said, tugging at his hand and grinning as he started to walk. Soon they were by Mac and Bella reached to put Moo in Albert's pocket before reaching up to take both Al and Mac by the hand. "Sleepy," she said softly, yawning, "Moo's sleep too.. bedtime!"

Comments

[not_soperfect]

Bringing Al to his climax was all Mac could focus on. There was nothing that could prevent him from watching Al in that moment, from remembering how Al looked and tasted and felt under him as he moved beneath him. Nothing else mattered before or after that point. Nothing else could. Mac loved him. More if possible.

[musical_rocker]

Albert deepened the kiss as his whole body started to tighten and he felt white hot flashes burn through his body. With a low growl running up his throat and turning into a moan which Fia managed to swallow, Albert reached his orgasm, shooting hot ribbons over both their stomachs.

Albert wanted to say those words, those three simple words to tell Fia that he loved him, but it seemed a little cliche in his moment. After orgasm I love yous could be so empty.

[not_soperfect]

Mac followed with his own release. It took every effort in him to stop from crying out his name, instead his mouth found Al’s and he muffled the cry with a kiss as his whole body gave in to the release. When it was over Mac could only lay against Al, then reluctantly he moved back slightly.

And remained silent. Too afraid to speak in case he said anything to ruin the moment.

[musical_rocker]

He didn't move, he didn't say a word until the orgasm had completely run it's course. Albert was buzzing, he hadn't felt this alive in a very long time. He turned slightly and pressed a soft kiss to Fia's lips before grinning, "Bathing room, now. I think we need to clean up before we both fall asleep here and Bella crawls into bed with us all sticky."

He couldn't take the smile off of his face as he reached to pull Fia closer to him. Right now, this was all he was thinking about. Right not. "Don't suppose you've got a cigarette have you?"

[not_soperfect]

“Pipe tobacco.” Said Mac as he stretched. His mind filtered through the words Al was saying. It meant getting out of the bed, an effort, yet he had to.

A few minutes later and setting up the pipe tobacco for Al, Mac soaked in the bath, letting the water relax him. His gaze settled on Al as he wondered what to say.

[musical_rocker]

Slipping into the hot water felt good, but not as good as feeling the love of his life inside him did. He moved through the water towards Fia, looking down at the pipe with a curious look on his face, "So how much is this gonna kick my ass?" After all he was used to filtered shit and it had been a while since he'd smoked anything.

Without a thought he settled down beside Fia, their thighs brushing as he lit the tobacco.

[not_soperfect]

“Unfiltered pipe with straight tobacco? Likely a lot.”

He of course was used to the traditional tobacco and pipes, having lived centuries there were a lot of modern connivances Mac was capable of doing with out. Still those thing weren’t the things they had to talk about and Mac was careful to broach the subject he had already, once before, said,

“We can’t stay here.”

[musical_rocker]

Albert stopped before he lit the pipe, slowly lowering it at Fia's words. He knew they couldn't stay there and it did upset him because the world out of this room had so many complications in it, and Albert could feel Fia already slipping through his fingers. He let out a soft breath.

"I know."

[not_soperfect]

“Do you?”

There was a hint of doubt in Mac’s voice.
While the bath had relaxed him, he was returning to his usual self, not that he felt he could properly do that without a suit and tie. Shifting in the water he rubbed the back of his neck.

“What is it you expect will happen when we return?”

[musical_rocker]

"Yeah, I do."

He look down at the pipe, fiddling with it instead of smoking it. What did he expect? Nothing, he knew that he had no right to expect anything. "we go home, you go back to your life and visit Bella when you can. After that... I guess things go back to how they were." his voice was soft and sad, it wasn't what he wanted

[not_soperfect]

“That isn’t what I asked, Al.”

Even now they couldn’t really talk. In a way he didn’t expect them to be any different, the love making had been good, but he knew when it came to just them there was a huge gap between them. He wondered if it was always there.

“I’m asking you what you want.”

[musical_rocker]

"You asked what I expected to happen, it's different from what I want."

He set the pipe down behind him, untouched, and looked at the water so he didn't have to look at Fia. No, it wasn't so he didn't have too, it was because he couldn't.

"Want... I want my family back," his words were soft, barely a whisper and his fingers played with the wedding ring he still wore. "I want to get that house near my parents, to live there with my daughter and my husband..." He let out a soft breath, "To be able to spend time together as a family doing stupid things like laundry, cooking and fixing up the house and garden.. to watch Bella grow in so many ways." Albert sniffed softly, "To be the only person he wants or looks at as more than a friend or family.." He fell silent for a moment, "Stupid, mortal human desires."

[not_soperfect]

“Who’s, yours or mine?” A reminder to Al, Mac too had once been mortal and very human. And in a way still was.

“How long do you think we’ll last?” He wasn’t asking to be cruel, he just had to know. “Will it last when I go back to work and can’t be there for say, one of Bella’s birthdays? Or, I can’t give you a New Years Eve celebration? Or, when I’m sitting down to a cooked dinner and my phone rings making me leave for the night?

I can’t give you a fantasy, Al.” Obviously what Al had said from the beginning.

“I honestly don’t know what I can give you.”

[musical_rocker]

"I don't know," he was being honest but Fia's words hurt. It almost felt like he was trying to get him to realize there was no chance for them.

"Maybe you should say what you want."

[not_soperfect]

Mac shifted in the water, lifting up a handful to wash over his face. He knew what he wanted; when he spoke there wasn’t any doubt in his voice,

“I love you, baby.” He was as certain of that as he breathed. “But it’s not going to be enough when the things I can give you, aren’t going to be enough for what you want.”

[musical_rocker]

Turning just a little, Albert chewed on his bottom lip and reached out to take hold of Fia's hand in his own, fingers entwining together, "Then tell me what you can give me and we can go from there, or tell me if you don't think there's any point in having this conversation and have us go our own ways."

[not_soperfect]

Brushing his thumb across Al’s hand Mac remained quiet for a few seconds, then spoke,

“I’ve already told you what I can give you. I’ve already told you the things I want. None of it changes, Al. My work will remain. Just the same as my feelings for others haven’t changed ---they might, eventually, for now… no. My sister is important and now regardless of my current feelings for him, Eothian is important. All those things stay in my life, as much as you and Bella. Those are the things you will have.

Those things. And me. And, how I love you. That’s all I can give you.”

He paused for the briefest of moments and added,

"The house I can give you and Bella, but I can't give you the ideal family moments you want."

[musical_rocker]

Albert looked down at their hands, a sadness in his voice. "Those moments.." He let out a breath, "Mom missed so many of them and because I wasn't close to dad.." He closed his eyes, "I missed out on..."

He was silent for a long time, just looking down at their hands, "And I can't change how I feel about your feelings for others, the jealousy... knowing you want..." He looked up at Fia, "What am I supposed to do when you're with her? How am I supposed to act like it's okay?"

[not_soperfect]

“I, and Bella, can’t be your missed childhood. That isn’t fair to either of us.”

Letting go of Al’s hand, he pressed his lips together in a thin line. Tension etched his face as he thought about what was fair between them and couldn’t think of a single thing.

“What about how we are now? I’ve been with Selene, you know that. Yet here we are, making love, sharing a bath, talking about us. Where’s your jealousy? Where’s the doubt I won’t be with you?”

[musical_rocker]

"I know.. I just don't want her to feel the way I felt. But I should know she wont, neither of us are afraid to show her how much we love her."

Albert looked down, "Been with, past tense, but you keep saying you want her..." Looking into his eyes, Albert felt tears prickle them, "It's not when you're with me, it's when you're with her." His bottom lip quivered a little, "I can't do an us, this family, house and future, and have you go to her and share her bed.. I'm sorry."

[not_soperfect]

Talking about Bella, then, was the last thing on his mind. “Present tense. I was with Selene before I left for here.”

Honesty. Sometimes he hated himself for it, but he couldn’t lie to Al. “I want her, baby. And I love you. It’s as simple and complicated as that. Maybe it’ll change, she and I won’t always have this thing between us, but we do.”

Mac watched Al’s reaction, the quivering of the lip, the tears. “ Why not? I can do an us with Eothian back in your life. And, knowing his mouth as been over yours. I can do an us, even though all I have heard you say is jealousy and mistrust…”

His voice lowered and his gaze settled on Al. “I can do an us, even though I have not heard you utter once, that you love me.”

[musical_rocker]

"Because I don't want Eothian, I'm not going to leave the house and go and be with him, I don't want that. Why can't you understand why I can't do this?"

"I love you so much it hurts, so much that I'm so close to saying you can be with her and I if it will mean I can be with you. But I can't. How could you even think about going to work, then going to see her and being with her before you come home and spend time with Bella and I and then climb into bed with me?"

He reached out a wet hand and brushed it over Fia's cheeks, "Please don't ask me to do this, because I know I'd say yes and then it would end up killing me inside."

[not_soperfect]

Pulling away Mac had to get out the bath. He had been in there too long, he couldn’t stay in the water and try to have this conversation with Al. Drying himself, he stayed in the room, as he spoke.

“Yet you expect me to give up everything I have fought hard to become, to give you what you want.

But it isn't about that is it, but Selene. If I could change how I felt about her, I would. It doesn’t change one single fact about us; I can’t be what you want me to be. You want the husband. The family man. The man who does the nine to five routine to come home to a cooked dinner and laundry folded up neatly in the corner. I’m not that man, Al.

…I never was.”

It hurt him to say those words, but he knew that was the truth. “We talk about what will kill you, so lets talk about what will kill me. Taking away who I have become to be your husband. I’m your lover. Your partner. Our relationship can’t be husband and---“

He almost cut himself off from saying the word, but said it anyway, “…wife. I’m not your husband to your wife. That’d kill me.

Never once have I taken a male lover outside of you and likely never will again. I was faithful to you, Al. And trusted you completely. What kills me is knowing you will not give me the same trust.”

[musical_rocker]

He climbed out of the bath and stood there, not drying himself off, "How is you having sex with Selene and me being faithful to me? Tell me how I'm supposed to be okay with you going to her's and sleeping with her and then coming back home to us. Tell me Fia, tell me because I don't understand how I am supposed to do that."

He took a step towards the other man, "If I have a life with you, you'd never let me have sex with someone else - not that I want too. It hurts knowing that you're asking me to be okay with you living with Bella and I ask a family and fucking Selene at the same time."

"And what's wrong with doing boring things? I'm not asking you to give up your job or stop running off to fight these battles you fight, I'm just asking you not to sleep with Selene any more. Everything else I can deal with, just not that." Not drying himself, Albert went and grabbed the clothes he had been wearing and started tugging them on, looking at the rumpled bed they'd made love in moments ago. "I can't live with my lover being someone elses lover too. And if you can't understand why then there is no point continuing this conversation and when we leave here we can go our separate ways."

[not_soperfect]

Mac turned to face Al.

“How? We’re divorced. Is that not enough? What about your suicide attempt, you died; you got your wish to release me of our marriage bonds --- with your death. Right now I am in no way been unfaithful to you, we are not even together.”

As he dressed Mac spoke, his voice tight and clipped.

“I’m not fucking Selene any more than I am fucking you. You throw this around like its something meaningless, and maybe that is why you can’t have it in our lives. Christ, Al, she loves me. I can’t even tell her I love her because I love you. You have everything she wants, the child. The house. The husband. Me. And she’s ready to lower herself so I can have you if she can still share me with you. You’re threatened by that?”

By the time he finished he had to lower his voice. He didn’t want to yell. Wake Bella. Or hurt Al with a raised voice.

“You can’t live without me either. We’ll both be a fucking mess if you make me stay away.”