Albert Henry Fortune (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
musical_rocker) wrote2012-02-17 12:32 am
musical_rocker) wrote2012-02-17 12:32 am
Entry tags:
Rp- Add on thread to Bella's release
Albert wasn't aware of much because he had Bella in his arms and she was still babbling away about this and that, mindless stuff which all seemed so important. He couldn't believe how much she'd grown in this short space of time and she say so much more now. A minute or two later she was wiggling in her arms to get down and Albert carefully lowered her to the ground, and holding Moo in one hand, Bella took hold of Albert's with her other and started to tug him towards Mac.
"Move," she said, tugging at his hand and grinning as he started to walk. Soon they were by Mac and Bella reached to put Moo in Albert's pocket before reaching up to take both Al and Mac by the hand. "Sleepy," she said softly, yawning, "Moo's sleep too.. bedtime!"
"Move," she said, tugging at his hand and grinning as he started to walk. Soon they were by Mac and Bella reached to put Moo in Albert's pocket before reaching up to take both Al and Mac by the hand. "Sleepy," she said softly, yawning, "Moo's sleep too.. bedtime!"
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Letting go of Al’s hand, he pressed his lips together in a thin line. Tension etched his face as he thought about what was fair between them and couldn’t think of a single thing.
“What about how we are now? I’ve been with Selene, you know that. Yet here we are, making love, sharing a bath, talking about us. Where’s your jealousy? Where’s the doubt I won’t be with you?”
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Albert looked down, "Been with, past tense, but you keep saying you want her..." Looking into his eyes, Albert felt tears prickle them, "It's not when you're with me, it's when you're with her." His bottom lip quivered a little, "I can't do an us, this family, house and future, and have you go to her and share her bed.. I'm sorry."
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Honesty. Sometimes he hated himself for it, but he couldn’t lie to Al. “I want her, baby. And I love you. It’s as simple and complicated as that. Maybe it’ll change, she and I won’t always have this thing between us, but we do.”
Mac watched Al’s reaction, the quivering of the lip, the tears. “ Why not? I can do an us with Eothian back in your life. And, knowing his mouth as been over yours. I can do an us, even though all I have heard you say is jealousy and mistrust…”
His voice lowered and his gaze settled on Al. “I can do an us, even though I have not heard you utter once, that you love me.”
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"I love you so much it hurts, so much that I'm so close to saying you can be with her and I if it will mean I can be with you. But I can't. How could you even think about going to work, then going to see her and being with her before you come home and spend time with Bella and I and then climb into bed with me?"
He reached out a wet hand and brushed it over Fia's cheeks, "Please don't ask me to do this, because I know I'd say yes and then it would end up killing me inside."
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“Yet you expect me to give up everything I have fought hard to become, to give you what you want.
But it isn't about that is it, but Selene. If I could change how I felt about her, I would. It doesn’t change one single fact about us; I can’t be what you want me to be. You want the husband. The family man. The man who does the nine to five routine to come home to a cooked dinner and laundry folded up neatly in the corner. I’m not that man, Al.
…I never was.”
It hurt him to say those words, but he knew that was the truth. “We talk about what will kill you, so lets talk about what will kill me. Taking away who I have become to be your husband. I’m your lover. Your partner. Our relationship can’t be husband and---“
He almost cut himself off from saying the word, but said it anyway, “…wife. I’m not your husband to your wife. That’d kill me.
Never once have I taken a male lover outside of you and likely never will again. I was faithful to you, Al. And trusted you completely. What kills me is knowing you will not give me the same trust.”
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He took a step towards the other man, "If I have a life with you, you'd never let me have sex with someone else - not that I want too. It hurts knowing that you're asking me to be okay with you living with Bella and I ask a family and fucking Selene at the same time."
"And what's wrong with doing boring things? I'm not asking you to give up your job or stop running off to fight these battles you fight, I'm just asking you not to sleep with Selene any more. Everything else I can deal with, just not that." Not drying himself, Albert went and grabbed the clothes he had been wearing and started tugging them on, looking at the rumpled bed they'd made love in moments ago. "I can't live with my lover being someone elses lover too. And if you can't understand why then there is no point continuing this conversation and when we leave here we can go our separate ways."
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“How? We’re divorced. Is that not enough? What about your suicide attempt, you died; you got your wish to release me of our marriage bonds --- with your death. Right now I am in no way been unfaithful to you, we are not even together.”
As he dressed Mac spoke, his voice tight and clipped.
“I’m not fucking Selene any more than I am fucking you. You throw this around like its something meaningless, and maybe that is why you can’t have it in our lives. Christ, Al, she loves me. I can’t even tell her I love her because I love you. You have everything she wants, the child. The house. The husband. Me. And she’s ready to lower herself so I can have you if she can still share me with you. You’re threatened by that?”
By the time he finished he had to lower his voice. He didn’t want to yell. Wake Bella. Or hurt Al with a raised voice.
“You can’t live without me either. We’ll both be a fucking mess if you make me stay away.”
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"Yes I am threatened by that. Of course I'm threatened by that. How can I not be!" He ran a hand through his hair messing it up again, walking back towards Fia, "How can I not be threatened by the fact that you want to be with her while with me?"
Taking a breath he looked into Fia's eyes and frowned deeply, "What? I'm not talking about what happened with you two, fuck, we weren't together when that happened, that i can deal with. But if you and I get back together, if we live together, have a relationship, bring Bella up as her fathers together.. you can't honestly ask me to allow you to be with her too."
"How, how is she lowering herself so she can be with you? Instead of being your girlfriend she's someone who get's to have sex with you and then you come home? I don't understand."
"Yeah, I'm a mess without you, I can't live without you. But I can't live with you and watch you be with her at the same time."
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“Al. Baby. God damn it. How many times do we have to have this conversation? Go over it again and again? Did my making love to you before make a difference to you, knowing how I feel about Selene? No. We love each other, why in gods name can’t that be enough?”
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“She isn’t just about sex, Al. I need to know she is alright. Need to remind her once in a while, she and I, have to be with someone else --- who ---,”
He trailed off and then decided not to edit himself, “---Who understands that the world isn’t just made up of suburban houses. Picket fences. Laundry neatly folded up in a corner. Cooked dinners. Nine to five jobs. And daughters ballet recitals. Or married couples needs.”
Mac didn’t know if Al really could ever understand. “I need her like that. In the same way I need you to remind me the world is, as well, made up of suburban houses and everything else, I can’t have when I get drawn into darker things I can’t escape from.”
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His hands moved together and Albert slipped off his wedding ring and placed it in Fia's hand. "Then I am not and never will be the man for you, because I will never willingly share the man I love with someone else, not in the respect of him living two loves and having two relationships."
"When you're with someone you share the good things and the bad things with them, but you never wanted to share the darker things with me. Give her everything she wants. I just hope being with her was worth losing me over. Because this me saying that I will never have any of that with you if you're with her too."
And with that he headed out of the bathing room and out if Fia's quarters. He'd need to find somewhere to sleep. Somewhere away from all this madness and the end of his relationship with Fia.
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It’d be business as usual. For now there was only one thing that really mattered. Leaving the bathroom, while pulling on a shirt, Mac found himself a chair pulling it up near the bed where Bella slept. He covered her with the blankets he had kicked off, then smoothed his hand across her forehead. After that he remained in the chair, every now and then he’d doze off but his full attention was on Bella.
Come morning, they’d have to take her before the court royalty and she would have to want to go home. Al might say he’d stay, but Mac would say he wouldn’t stay. All this time Bella had been with Mac, he knew she’d go home to be with grandma and grandpa to bring the other two home together. Those things were a certainty.
It made up for everything else not being a certainty.
(ooc: FTB?)
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